Fire, Ice, Fire
by x.soaked-silly
Summary: Here's a hint: last night as she was driving home in that taxi, there was an accident. The screeching of metal and the scorching of her eyes. "Don't say anything, you're going to be all right!" someone screamed in her ear, but she could barely hear them over sounds of something exploding. Then suddenly she was in the ambulance and...and she couldn't see anything. She was blind.


_Fire, Ice, Fire_

Her fascination with ice was more of an obsession and she couldn't control it. Rather, it controlled her.

.

In the seventh grade, she met Jade West. Her teacher had given the class assigned seats in alphabetical order and she sat behind the new girl. After all, W comes before V (unless she sang the ABCs backwards). At first she didn't care much for the quiet girl behind her, especially since two of her friends sat in the row next to her. She didn't need to talk to her. (Until she did).

Why does Jade never talk, was the gossip going around the class. (I don't know, maybe she's just uncomfortable). Jade was the new girl and in being so, she didn't know anyone. She came from a private school- _heard they smoked there_. She came from a state far away. Something with a N. No one could remember, no one bothered to recall.

"Cat, she seems so lonely," one day her friend told her and she sadly glanced at her toes. (No one should be lonely on such a nice day.) She stuck out her tongue as she pondered what she should do. Her friend had a point. So she dropped her pink mechanical pencil and let it roll towards Jade's shoes before turning around, a bright, pretty smile gracing her face, almost phantasmagoric.

_Hi Jade, I'm Cat and my pencil is by your feet! _Or something similar had been said that day, but she really can't remember, the evanescent memories slipping from her mind. Or maybe, perhaps, she just hadn't been paying attention because Jade had really pretty, sharp, blue-green eyes. She entertained the idea that they were almost ice-like, just how she had come to find Jade's personality to be.

So get it yourself, Jade complained, withdrawing farther into her seat, but Cat hardly takes notice and continues to stare at Jade (because she maybe thinks that Jade is really beautiful), almost trying to burn the image of the doll like features into the back of her eyes.

The conversation continues, Jade being audaciously rude while Cat drones on and on about something that she's not really thinking about, because the entire time, one thing is floating through her mind, clouding her thoughts and making everything hazy.

(You're really interesting, she thinks, _but I'm not sure I like you very much_.)

.

The year progresses, and things change. She makes a whole bunch of new friends- _hello, hi, I love to talk!_- and they're all very friendly. She surrounds herself with good company, students that would never dare to do anything wrong. She has a few hard tests here and there, but she finishes out the school year with good marks and graduates to eighth grade. When she gets her schedule for the last year of middle school, she jumps up and down excitedly (because- _ohmygoodness_- all of her classes are with her friends). She gets lucky and there's only maybe one or two people she dislikes in total that she sees during the school day.

(She's completely forgotten all about her acquaintances from the year before and they've forgotten about her.)

.

Graduation. And then a performance school. She'll be the only one going there out of all her friends. We'll stay in touch, they promise, giving her peace signs and hurriedly waving goodbye with perhaps a hug before they rush into their car and their parents take them home. But, after the summer, they don't stay in touch and she starts over new. New friends, new school, new teachers.

She quickly adjusts to the new system (it really wasn't that hard) and she's surprised to find that Jade girl in a few of her classes. She tries really hard to remember just where and when she had met Jade, when she snaps her fingers together and immediately her (their) middle school name drifts into her head.

She attempts to make conversation with the girl, and Jade, although merely grunts in response to everything, allows her to dwell in the powerful girl's presence. Neither of them know anyone, so they might as well talk to each other is Cat's logic, although she's not sure if Jade agrees or not because halfway through their chat Jade fell asleep, closing her eyes. Her insidious eyes that portrayed a beautiful person, on the inside and out, except that concept was based loosely on the study of physiognomies.

(Because, duh, she wasn't really all _that_ pretty on the inside, she thinks.)

.

Everyday she attempts to talk this girl, and everyday she becomes closer and closer to having a real chat with her. Because up until now, there's just icy words and seemingly endless stretch of quietness whenever she asks a question and Jade puts up a silent remonstrance, holding eye contact with Cat, willing her to look away. But somewhere along the line, Cat succeeds and Jade starts opening up, although no matter what happens, Cat is certain Jade will always hold that bite to her words. That frosty venom.

.

Today she had a lesson involving the Ice Age. For once, she paid attention instead of losing her focus and drawing hearts all over her notebook and encompassing the name Joshua in big, decorated shapes (and no, there's no boy named Joshua that she's aware of nor likes). It captivated her for some reason. The way ice was so, so strong, but could melt and break and snap and _split_. How then it became engulfed in water until eventually it lost its substance and all the molecules making up the ice spaced out a bit (or so the teacher explained) and it turned into, well, water.

She thinks she likes ice now. Likes how it breaks and cracks different ways each time. How she can make it break, even the most sturdiest blocks of it, with a wedge and a well aimed strike with a hammer or something of the sort. It fascinates her and later that day she goes home and smashes some ice because, a, she wants to, and b, she wanted crushed ice for her drink anyway.

But then she feels bad because she accidentally sends a piece of the table flying under the refrigerator and makes a mental note to, next time, do it outside.

She spends the next hour searching for the missing piece and then trying to hot glue back onto its spot, but it just wouldn't go. She's really good at breaking things, she learns, but she's really bad at rebuilding them.

.

Jade and her become closer as time goes on and soon they're best friends. She's still interested in all things ice (although she really can't tell you where it originated from) and Jade tolerates the odd way her eyes fly open and her eyebrows go up till they hit the very tippy top of her forehead. It's weird, was what Jade said every time, but Cat would just wink at her in reply. Unless, Cat wasn't paying attention and she wouldn't respond, she would just _stare_. Stare at Jade and the way her blue-green eyes seemed so serious and so focused all the time. The way her expression was solid, never changing, just forever an unpleasing smirk etched into her skin.

(Yes, she does know that she's relating Jade to ice now and she has the indescribable feeling that she has to smash Jade.)

But no, she doesn't, and goes home and breaks the ice outside again, waiting for one of her parents to yell at her for making to much noise, the bangs of the hammer sounding more like explosions when it's vibrating against the porch wood.

.

They graduate, Jade at the top of the class, and she in the middle, receiving almost no recognition. They move to New York and stay in an apartment together, both having the same dream of being a Broadway star. They audition during the day and come home at night to spend dinner together and maybe rent a movie or a play. Jade has done six or so auditions when she gets a callback, something extremely rare for someone fresh out of high school. She congratulates Jade and promises her that she'll take her out to get something special on Saturday and even though Jade usually hates fun (well, the kind of fun Cat likes to have) she agrees excitedly which makes Cat happy.

"And don't worry, Cat, you've only auditioned for three plays. Once you've auditioned for more, someone will call you back," Jade uncharacteristically tells her because Jade's to happy (and drunk) to even think of what she's saying.

And Cat nods and smiles.

(Even though she's maybe _lied_ and had twice as many auditions as Jade.) They spend the night at the bar, boys (men) flirting with them on the occasion. Cat, being not as tipsy as Jade, tries to shove them away (because, _ew_, they have beards), but Jade seems to enjoy it and Cat eventually stops trying and even lets them crowd around her best friend at one point. She tries to make eye contact with Jade, tries to let Jade know that she's feeling wary about this, but she doesn't. Doesn't even see the wisp of blue and green swirls in the other girl's eyes.

Cat finally, angrily, storms out of the bar when a man tries to kiss her for no reason, unhappy and extremely upset because she doesn't enjoy these kind of things. She leaves Jade, who may or may not have noticed her slamming the door, and flags a taxi down quickly. The yellow car speeds up the side and Cat hops in, nearly breaking the door off with the force she used to close it. The driver gives her a pointed look and almost orders her out, but she puts her earphones in and the driver looks back at the road.

On the ride home, she wonders if Jade will be smart enough (and sober enough) to get home on her own and maybe she shouldn't have left her. But, Jade found her way home fine that night after refusing to go to any of the mens' apartments. So it's a shame that Cat was the one who didn't get home to safely.

.

She uses her fingers to draw patterns on the couch, the feel of leather scratching under her finger tips. She just sits there, unmoving in the quiet darkness. There's no sound, just a faint ringing in her ears that always happens when there's complete and utter silence. The doctor said she'd always have that, so that's why she sleeps with a fan now.

She kicks her legs out for fun, finally, hoping that maybe she'd catch a glimpse of her tanned skin, but she doesn't, and the darkness starts to feel suffocating. Choking her. She slides her hands up her body until they reach a neck, and she grabs loosely around it, like she's choking herself even though she's not. No, it's the black nothingness that's restricting her.

(Here's a hint: last night as she was driving home in that taxi, there was an accident. The screeching of metal and a burning sensation is all she remembers. The scorching of her eyes and the cries of her pain.

Don't say anything, you're going to be all right, someone screamed in her ear, but she could barely hear them over the booming sounds of something exploding. Then suddenly she was in the ambulance and...and she couldn't see anything.)

She starts crying softly, then a little louder, and then she was sobbing, and now she is screaming. Yelling, hollering. _I can't breathe, I can't breathe!_ Even as Jade rushes in and swoops her up into her arms, she's still shrieking and she can barely feel the warmth of Jade's protective body. All she feels is fire and she hates fire. She hates fire so, so, so much and it's not only because she's blind now because of it, it's also because it destroys the one thing she loves dearly. Ice. And maybe it's silly to be thinking about ice now, but it's making her hysterical and she can't think straight.

"Shhh, Cat shhh. You're okay now, you're okay now," Jade's only half soothing whispers reached her ears and after a long time, she calms down and Jade finally lets her go. She curls up on the couch, tired of crying, tired of everything. She just wants to go back in time. She just wants to see.

But her thoughts fade out and soon she's drifting off into sleep...until she hears the snap, crackle of a fire starting and she starts screeching again, hurting both Jade's ears and her own, even though Jade turns it off and assures her that she was just turning on the stove to make her her favorite soup.

.

Jade stays with her all the time now. She doesn't leave her side ever, and if on the off chance that she has to quickly grab something and drops Cat's hand, Cat starts screaming again because she's afraid that if Jade's not by her, the fire will consume her again and this time she'll be dead. But that never happens and Jade always comes right back. She's okay, she decides, when Jade is holding her hand. Touching her. And she learns to love the velvety feel of Jade's skin and quickly memorizes her hand. Her rings. Her cuts and bumpy scabs.

(Because that's all that's left now, she thinks.)

So she traces circles on the palm of Jade's hand when she can and the other times she rubs her thumb across the back of it, settling for the feel of her soft skin swirling instead of seeing it even though she would love to open her eyes and see the world. But especially to see Jade, see how beautiful she is again. See how she herself looks.

She frowns (because how badly was she burned?) and fumbles around until she finds the mirror that rests on the end of the hall. She slides her fingers across the smooth surface and tries to recall how it looked, but she never had a good memory and she can't.

"Jade!" She suddenly calls, and Jade comes running. What, she hollered and Cat turned around, reaching out with her hands until Jade finally grabbed one and drew Cat close to her. Cat uses her free hand to find Jade's head and runs her fingers over Jade's lips. Jade tenses, but she keeps going and slides her fingers across Jade's nose, then her eyes, and finally her forehead. Jade keeps still the whole time, not saying anything (so that the ringing in her ears returned).

Then, with a shaking hand, Cat touched her own face, stroking it, comparing it to Jade's. She touches her lips, her nose, her forehead, and even her eyes, but it's not the same as Jade's. It's bumpy and soiled. Frantically, Cat runs her fingers across Jade's face again, this time rough and uncaring and Jade steps back, taking a tight hold of Cat's hand. Taking a tight hold of both of Cat's hands so that she can't do anything.

And suddenly Cat's shrieking again in fear because she uses her hands for everything and without her hands she can't do anything. Nothing at all and it makes her feel useless and it makes her feel like she's becoming blind all over again. (The fires back, the fires back, her head cries.) Jade doesn't let her hands go until she's wrapped in a tight hug and she tries to fight back, tries to get away, but Jade holds her there. Until she knees Jade in the stomach and the forceful feeling of arms entangling her are gone and she scatters backwards and then tries to run, but she runs into a wall and her head bangs against the corner of something.

Suddenly she's on the ground and she gathers herself in a fetal position, still sobbing uncontrollably and making these loud noises. Then she feels someone rubbing her back and humming and eventually she's able to reduce her tears to small, almost invisible sniffles. By the time she's done, Jade's still there, still doing what she was, even when she asks why Cat suddenly went berserk.

She doesn't answer, but instead questions Jade. _Do I look pretty?_

There is no hesitation when Jade responds with yes, you do, but it's almost to quickly and Cat wishes for the millionth billionth time that she could see so she could tell if Jade was lying because she wasn't able to tell from Jade's voice.

_Am I beautiful?_

And this time her subconscious answers her, telling her that no, no she isn't.

.

If it's possible, Jade devotes even more time to her. Jade even takes her to the store to buy some ice and a brand new hammer, though of course Jade warns her that she would need help so she didn't accidentally hurt herself and even though she grumbles, Jade insists and soon they're back at home and she's putting her ice through hell and back, though absentmindedly as she's really just thinking about just how ugly she was. It's been on her mind for a very long time and it's killing her.

"How ugly am I?"

"What?" Her question takes Jade by surprise and Cat asks it again.

Jade replies that Cat is stupid and that she's lovely, but Cat doesn't believe her and the tears start streaming down her face again, only this time she doesn't make a noise because it takes to much energy and she's to exhausted.

Jade suddenly takes her head and turns it slowly and she tries to protest, wants to get back to crushing her ice, but Jade silences her and Cat feels soft lips against hers and tastes something vanilla. Jade pulls back and Cat doesn't say anything, just sits there in wonder.

Jade doesn't say anything either so it's up to Cat to fill the silence (which she thinks is very unfair but she does have something to say). So Cat says one of the things that's been on her mind lately.

"I wish I could see your eyes again."

Because she really, really does.

She feels Jade's lips on her own once more.

.

She spends every day trying to teach herself how to navigate things. She figures out strategies and complex little ideas. For example, instead of reaching out with her hands to make sure she doesn't bump into anything, she starts to count. _1, 2, 3, 4 steps. _Oh, there's the stove. _5, 6, 7, 8, 9 steps._ Oh, there's Jade. (_And there's her lips_.)

She "watches" movies now to, if only for Jade's sake. She learns to listen, learns to identify movements with sounds. Learns to follow the movie as best as she can with no visual aids. Although, she finds she can't watch scary movies. Doesn't understand at all what's happening in them because without being able to see, it takes away the suspense.

She also teaches herself to pay attention when she dreams. It's the only way she can truly see now, but her dreams are hazy and grainy, because she starts to forget what the world looks like. Starts to forget what her (their) apartment looks like, her stuffed animals, her favorite characters, and people she used to know. But, most horrifyingly, she starts to forget what Jade looks like.

First it's Jade's body shape, and it seems to all mesh and form a body that she is sure isn't anything like the real Jade's. Then she starts to forget what Jade's face shape looks like. And after that, it's her lips, and now all she can do is fill in the empty spaces with what she hopes Jade looks like. At least she hadn't forgotten Jade's eyes, because once that's gone, she's not sure what will happen to the semi-realistic picture of Jade in her mind. She wonders if it will just...disappear. (_I want to see your eyes again._)

So she binds her time learning all of Jade's body. Tracing her lips, playing with her hair, rubbing her back in these comforting small circles that really just help her to find Jade's bumpy cuts and scaly scabs. That allows her to determine dimensions and she commits everything _Jade_ to memory, even if Jade sometimes yells at her for touching like she forgets Cat only touches because she can't see. That touching is her seeing.

.

She becomes tired of Jade doing everything for her. She feels like she's a child; incapable of doing anything for herself, not even thinking. Plus, she thinks Jade is becoming tired of it to. Sometimes Jade explodes in an angry heat of curse words and foul topics, but for the most part ignores it because it usually isn't directed at her unless she spills something and Jade can tell it's on purpose. She likes when she stains the rug with her juice, it means something else besides her is ruined.

Anyway, she can't stand Jade doing things for her. She can't even find Jade's cheek half the time whenever she wants to give her a quick kiss. A thank you. So, one time, when they're laying on the couch and Jade starts to kiss her, she starts to kiss back and trail down her neck. Starts to pull at Jade's shirt for a while, but after a few minutes go by, she can't get it off and she doesn't know what type of shirt it is. She pulls away angrily from Jade (because she's no longer the happy girl she used to be) and stomps her feet against the carpet, frustrated.

Jade tells Cat to quit it and that she's being a baby before gently taking Cat's hands and placing them at the edges of Jade's shirt. Jade guides Cat's hand, pulling the shirt off and then asking if she's sure, if she can do this, if she's ready, and then again if she's sure. Cat nods each and every single time until finally she just stops answering because Jade knows that Cat's answer won't change anytime soon.

No, she is set on proving that she can do something. She is intent on doing something for Jade.

Except, it's not really for Jade. It's for herself. To prove that she can do something, anything, especially something this challenging.

.

Later Jade admits to her that it did hurt a little bit (because she can't fucking see) and it makes her feel inferior and once again like she'll never be good enough, but she lets it roll off her back because maybe she should just give it some time. Unfortunately, there is no more time to be given, because while she is in her room, the door slightly open, she overhears a conversation between Jade and the landlord.

"Your rent is way past due Miss West."

"Yes, I know, I realize that. I'll have it soon."

"That's what you said last time." _The landlord's voice sounds tired...tired and sad_, she thinks.

"And I got it to you. So just leave me alone. I'm dealing with someone who just got into an awful accident and lost her sight like, what, a few months ago?"

"A year." She's not really sure who's correct, but she doubts it's been a few months like Jade is saying.

"Whatever..."

"Miss West I am aware of your situation and I do really like you and Miss Valentine, it's just that-"

"Say I can't pay my rent."

"What?"

"Say I can't pay my rent."

"Are you suggesting th-"

"Will you let her stay until I find someplace for her to go? Will you look after her?"

There's a pause of silence and she fiddles around with her fingers, suddenly very uncomfortable at how small and exhausted Jade's voice sounded.

"I...Well I...Yes and no...I will send her to a facility where I think they would be happy to look after her. Don't worry, she'll be taken care of whatever happens. I'll make sure of that."

"Thank you."

"And Miss West? You can have some extra time to get the money...just please, get it quickly."

"I will."

"Good, good. I'm sorry this had to happen to you. I heard you were going to be a star on Broadway. You have some talent. You should consider placing Miss Valentine in a home for a bit and living out your dreams. After all, she can't hold you back forever, can she?"

"I'm perfectly happy."

"Of course you are...Of course you are. Goodbye Miss West...And good luck seeing as though you haven't been having much of it."

And with that she heard the door slam shut and a thud on the floor. And maybe, just perhaps, it was her imagination, but she could've sworn she heard small sobs coming from near the door, but that was impossible, because Jade West didn't cry.

(_No, Jade West never cried._)

.

Day and night she wonders just how much money is left. Just how much funds they had drained because they didn't have much to begin with. She's aware Jade quit her job and they have no source of income, but she's never really entertained the thought of running out of money. Where is she getting it from?

"If you want, you can go back to work Jade," she offers pitifully, because somewhere deep inside of her she's still that Cat Valentine that was upbeat, funny, and extremely optimistic.

No, it's fine, why would I, Jade had answered.

She takes a deep breath before finally replying. "Because we're running out of money." Then it's as if time freezes and she can no longer hear the click click clacking of Jade's shoes against the floor.

Don't worry about that, Cat. Don't worry about that. Don't worry.

"But I am worrying."

"Don't."

She hates how Jade's voice just sounds devoid of energy. Just a big blob of blah.

.

As time goes on, Cat starts to feel Jade become thinner. Her arms are no longer as thick as they were, her body no longer as full. At first it's a little weight (she asks if Jade is working out and yes is her answer, thanks for noticing), but then it's a lot of weight and she wonders if something dearly wrong is happening. She thinks maybe it's because Jade wears herself out from caring for her all day? She decides this must be it (because no, Jade is not anorexic nor bulimic) and decides that she'll make some soup because that will give Jade a break, however small it may be.

(It shouldn't be to hard, she thinks. Jade just went shopping and the ingredients are right on the table, she thinks.)

Besides, she's starting to be able to do many more things and can even provide for some of her own needs. If she does this, then this will just prove that she truly is capable of taking care of herself and Jade can go back to her job. Back to being happy. Back to being a star, which Cat robbed from her. Which Cat took so unfairly from her.

So she counts her steps to the stove, _1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6_, and fumbles around till she feels the dial. She keeps in mind where it is and leans down to take a pot out of the cabinet. She sticks her hand inside the opening, determines that it's big enough, and turns around and walks until she bumps into the sink. She rubs her stomach because she hit into the edge, but keeps going and fills the pot up halfway, continually running her hand up and down the sides.

She turns off the water and carefully makes her way back over to the stove and places the pot on a heater. Then she reaches until she finds the dial and turns it up until she thinks it's reached seven or so. She then waits, leaning against the counter behind her, humming a silly little song that she has been listening to for the past few days, until finally she hears a pop popping and she quickly searches the bags set on the table.

She hopes to find pasta and shakes the boxes up and down, smiling when she finds one that sounds akin to pasta. She tears open the top, or at least what she thinks is the top, and reaches out with one hand to see if she can find the top of the pot. Instead she hits the body of it and her hand starts to burn, but with a determined mindset, she pulls her hand upward until she can feel the heat of the bubbles rising into it.

She turns the box upside down above where she hopes her hand in and pours, but she hears the clang of food against the stove and the sting of hot water against her skin, and she knows maybe only half of it has gotten in, but that's all right, she doesn't need it all in. She leaves the food where it is because she'll clean it up later plus she doesn't want to get burned.

Once again, she proceeds to wait, counting eight minutes aloud to time the cooking lunch. She listens to the sizzling of the supposed pasta and soon gets distracted and off track. Where was she again? Oh wait, she doesn't remember. Oh well. She picks up from six minutes again and after a minute or so she walks over to the pot. She reaches down to turn the dial off when she feels horrible burning hot water and withdraws, holding in a scream. (What's...What's happening!)

Suddenly, the smell of something burning reaches her nose and now she lets go of that scream and she's shrieking and crying out in fear. "Jade, Jade, Jade!" And Jade comes rushing out of her room, but it's to late because everything around her is on fire. She can smell it and she can _feel_ it, lapping against her skin, burning away her flesh.

She's paralyzed from fear and she can't move any longer, but it doesn't matter because soon Jade is grabbing her hand and pulling her along. Don't let go, Jade shouts and she only vaguely hears her and then Jade starts to run faster.

"What's happening!" she calls out in fear, and Jade tells her that the old building is made of wood and the top of the ceiling is burning through and it's going to fall. She can hear the terror in Jade's voice and she starts to go into overdrive and suddenly her hand is slipping and she doesn't know what's going on and everything is confusing, and she can't tell if everything and everyone is going to be all right, and she doesn't know where she is going and then...

Well then she lets go of Jade's hand.

And maybe it's subconscious because she secretly feels really bad for taking away Jade's dreams or maybe it's because her hand really slipped, but the fire catches up to her, burning her like it burns away ice.

Because maybe, just maybe, she tried to visualize Jade one last time, but she couldn't remember those eyes. Those icy, blue-green eyes. So her picture of Jade, her lifeline, fell apart, and then so did she. Because she could pretend that she was fine, she could pretend like she wasn't blind and that she didn't feel everyone's eyes on her when she went to someplace, but it wouldn't change how she felt inside. How she felt so unwanted and so useless, like she was only good at sucking away Jade's life, slowly but surely, so when the image of Jade's eyes disappeared from her memory, maybe that was the last straw and out of panic and knowing that nothing would ever be the same, she dropped Jade's hand.

Or maybe those are just musings and all that really happened was that her hand slipped. But whatever the reason, the fire engulfed her and no one ever heard from poor Caterina Valentine ever again, but perhaps that was a good thing. After all, according to her, she was to ugly for anyone to want to see. So maybe her death was fitting. Or maybe it was not fitting, rather ironic because she always thought Jade to be the ice, when, in reality, it turned out to be her and she suffered from her worst nightmare.

But either way, she had been killed, and by her own doing as well.

* * *

**Author's Note**: Because no one should ever demoralize themselves.

Anyway, another quick, rushed writing because I have like problems focusing on my writing and get bored to quickly haha. Hope you enjoyed!


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